TOUGH JOURNEY

Yet another suffering woman contacted me. (I think a lot of men are unhappy also, but they do not verbalise as women do). Here is her story:

‘It wasn’t supposed to end this way. I knew the journey would be difficult, but I had enough confidence in my ability to handle tough situations that I was sure all would be well; that he would respect me at least. But the going has become such stiff sledding, so hardheaded that I am near vanquished. I am close to giving up.

It needn’t be so. I am willing to compromise to a large extent. I am good at it.

It is simply too hard for me to cope with his life. Even he can barely cope. He is driven to succeed in a venture that would be too much for several men. I understand how tough it is for him, but it is also difficult for me. I dearly wish I had a fellow who lived a normal life, who was not in such a frenzy of activity all of the time; who had time to live a simple life with me, of give and take, of reciprocation and, God forbid, some affection!

I can see the good in him. I feel sorry for him that he has so much to contend with. I can see that he has a responsibility to all those good people who have trusted him, and I admire him for his intense desire to honour that trust. I can see the frustration on his well-sculptured face, the tiredness in his eyes. I know that if I did not look after him well, give him an adequate diet, nurture him in all ways, he could come to grief. He has a strong constitution and is physically fit, but even so, disaster is quite possible with all that stress involved.

I rescued him seven years ago, when he and his former lady broke up. He had nowhere to go. He pursued me ardently and I took him in, believing (because it was true) that he was a tradesman in employment, and that we would live a regular life of work, rest and play. But in no time, the other side of him surfaced. There is only work, office work, hunched over a computer all day, cash flows, offer documents, estimates, projections, whatever it takes to get a venture off the ground.

I am working harder than ever, and I am not young either. The more he works in his office, the more household chores fall on my shoulders. I feel that I am wearing out. The gloss has certainly worn off. If he would take time to tell me that I am appreciated, I would last a bit longer. But he has no time for platitudes...it is eat and run. If I try to nudge him by offering to weed the garden (his task), he will turn from his computer, look over his spectacles, saying, ‘Make sure you put them all in the compost bin. You could sow a few lettuce seeds while you are at it.’

The years have passed and he is still trying. My life is passing also. When am I going to achieve my dreams? And I have plenty, all attainable, all enjoyable, if only there was somebody to accompany me. Sure, I could walk along the beach alone, but I would not enjoy it. I could drive off on my own, tour wherever I wanted to go, see what I wanted to see. But I know full well that I would be lonely, know that if trouble occurred I would panic. No, I need him to go with me. It’s that or stay at home. He sometimes promises me that he will take time off, just for a day, but it has never eventuated. A crisis has always arisen.

‘Kick him out!’ is the cry from friends and relatives. I wish they could understand how hard it is for me to kick someone when he is ‘down.’ If only he would succeed, perhaps then I could do it. If he does succeed, of course, he says he will take time out to ‘rest and recuperate.’ I presume that includes me. But will it happen in my lifetime?

And if I did give him notice to quit my premises, what would happen to all those investors who are relying on him? He would have to pay dearly for the office space he has here, and finance is a big issue. It would be a very trying time for all. And there is no doubt that I would miss his presence. It is nice to have someone around. I just wish that Good Providence would intervene and give me a sign. Bring on success, perhaps...or let the situation deteriorate to such an extent that it is impossible to continue. But those two events are unlikely to occur. I think I am in a hole and I must make the best of it, unless I can change my whole character.’