IF YOU ARE NOT HAVING SEX, IT DOES NOT MATTER!
So what! You aren’t getting any? Big deal!

We have been brought up to feel that we are inadequate if we do not have a man in our life. Okay, it is nice and convenient to have a partner if one goes dancing, for example. Or at a dinner party or other group, to be the only one who is on her own can be disconcerting. But it need not be a disadvantage. It can be liberating!

Yes, I do love to have someone drive me somewhere, because I am not the world’s most experienced driver. And I am getting old, if that’s what you call nearly eighty-two. But it is certainly good for me when I push my boundaries and get there under my own steam. Or a lady friend takes the wheel. Just think, a lot of male drivers hate to be chastened in any way...for going too fast, for fiddling with the air-conditioning, for having awful music playing, for ‘star-gazing’. The list can go on and on. And remonstrating means tension, stress. We can do without that. So don’t feel under-privileged if you must drive yourself. Feel free! Clever! Independent!

At the dinner party, don’t feel constrained to hide your light under a bushel! Be your old self! Sure, we want everyone, including the wives, to like us. But that doesn’t mean ignoring the husbands and cosying up to the women only, unless that is where your conversational interest lies. Treat them all as ‘people’. Do not bat your eyes at a man, of course, unless you want to invoke the ire of his partner. Do not monopolise any one man. Be sensible. But do not shrink into a corner as if you are a lesser human. Remember your hostess asked you because of your ability to contribute to the success of the evening, and I daresay you would like to be asked again.

And the sex. Yes, it is important to feel loved. Wonderful to receive affection...and to give it. Granted, those orgasms are good for one. We know that. But it is not all beer and skittles. There is a downside...the cystitis, the complications, lot of them. And it is the woman who pays as a rule. It can be unsatisfactory, with unequal desires, and pressure to perform. Or even a less than satisfying union, with ungratified sex and longing. Are you being ‘used’? I will say it once...whisper it...there are other ways.

Another very prevalent situation is one where there is a couple, but no sex. It’s common, among all ages. And the reasons vary. Sometimes it is the woman who desists. Sometimes, not often, it is the man. Sometimes they just grow into the habit of refraining from making the effort. And it doesn’t matter, as long as they are nice to each other and are happy; as long as there is affection, caring, helpfulness and kindness, with no resentment from either party.

It must be simply wonderful to be in a perfect relationship, or even one in which one had no reason for complaint about how one was treated. Yes, it must be marvellous. And there really seems to be in existence those unions that appear to be made in Heaven. But it doesn’t happen to all of us. So let’s not feel second-class if we do not have a man to woo us. Or if we are just not getting any sex.