A male person called me. He was quite upset.

'I swear it was just a bit on the side. I could see she was attracted to me when we first met. She was a bit older than I, but well preserved in that Scandinavian sort of way. I liked the accent. And it was easy.

I had a good excuse to be away any night I wanted to. My partner and I have an agreement that I actually live elsewhere, sleep away for at least two nights a week. To protect my future property, when I come good, and also hers. She owns the place. And I needed a new venue. The previous arrangement had fallen through.

So this offer came up. I knew it was for more than a bed for two nights. You can tell. I felt a bit guilty I suppose, having these ideas when my partner was absolutely true blue. I just could do with a bit more sex. It has always been the case. She’s getting on in years...so am I...and she can only manage once a week or so. Recently, there was a real drought, and it was once in a month...seemed like it was forever.

Anyhow, I told her that I had a new place down the coast, a woman who had crossed my path recently. She looked at me kinda funny like, she’s like that, knows things. It’s unnerving, I can tell you. There was no scene, she just kissed me goodbye as she always does, saw me off as usual, and I must have broken the speed limit as I raced down in some excitement.

I gave this woman the usual line of there being no relationship between my partner and me. She slept at one end of the house, me the other, I said. True really, but I didn’t say why it was like this. I knew it was because I kept such odd hours, very late or very early. I still lay on her bed with her, made love and all that. We get along well really. Just not quite enough sex.

It took a few nights, but finally I made it! Got into the new lady’s bed and did it. What a victory! Made me feel good to know I still had the power. I whistled all the way home the next morning...but then my partner ‘twigged.’ She came right out with it, said, ‘You’ve done it, haven’t you? You’ve slept with her, haven’t you?’ I was so pleased with myself, the look on my face I suppose, the satisfied smirk on my lips must have told the whole story.

All hell was let loose! She was white with anger. I held my own, stuck up for myself, said we only had sex once in a blue moon. She said that period was when I had been overseas, came back with the 'flu, then she had to visit her family for a week. It might have been, it just seemed like forever. I challenged this of course, and that’s when I got the shock of my life!

She said she could prove we only made love a week ago, and it averaged out once a week for a long time, ever since she reduced it from every second day. It was her cystitis, she said. I knew all about it of course, the antibiotics, all that. But she rocked me by saying that she noted it in her diary with a symbol. She could flip through the pages like an expert, saying, ‘We did it Thursday, then the following Wednesday, then ...’ ad infinitum. It made my blood boil, to think there was a record of my doings!

I said nothing however, just that I intended to continue my visits down the coast, and that it had nothing to do with her what I did on my nights away. I thought she might come under on that one, but she held her ground. She was upset as anything, but I have to admire her, the way she handled it.
‘Very well then,’ she firmly said, ‘you’ll have to take all your things and move in with your new lady! Lock, stock and barrel!’
‘But I don’t want to do that! I like it here!’
‘Well, that’s what it means when you make love...that you want to spend the rest of your life together. That’s what it means to me.’
‘Look,’ I said, ‘it’s just a bit on the side...’
‘Do you love her?’
‘No!’ I answered truthfully, ‘I still love you!’

She seemed to settle down a bit, but the crying continued for days. It was when she said it would have a terrible effect on my children that I started to think. How would they know? They’ll know, she assured me. I could see the writing on the wall.
‘I’ll finish it,’ I said, ‘but I have to go down again, do a few odd jobs for her...’ I knew this rankled, but she kept quiet.

Since then, we have got along quite well. No sex, but she has told me how stupid I have been, when we had such a good thing going, that there was real love between us, the sort you get when the ‘in love’ bit has worn off and you start to have ‘real love’ in your heart. I suppose that’s true, and it’s a funny thing...I had never told her that I loved her before this episode, and here she was informing me that she loved me. It seemed to mean a lot. It settled me down in a way.

I know she’s waiting for me to put the ‘hard’ word on her, but it is out of the question. If anyone’s keeping tabs on me and keeping notes, the written word, then I’m not going to be part of it! I have my intellectual property to consider, and I will do anything to protect it! I’ll even go without sex! I’ll admit, it gets a bit much at times, but I can manage.

Just once, she got upset again, said I didn’t consider her in this matter at all, what about her life, her feelings? I said well that’s what she gets for keeping records, she knows what I am like...she said we’ll end up hating each other. More tears. But I’m sticking to my guns. I said I can look after her, and she can look after me. And so far, that’s what we are doing.'

And he wanted to know what I thought!!!